M. Studiensis- a ten year retrospective

Where does the time go?

As you can see below, this piece was written ten years ago and posted on the now-defunct Hypeorlando blog site for the Orlando Sentinel on which I was one of the original contributors. I will be periodically post some older work that I hope will be of interest and/or for the perspective it can give us years later. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. For an update, go to the end.

August 6, 2014- There’s a Medical Student in my House

For 5 weeks this summer we had the rare pleasure of observing, up close, a unique species, Medicis studiensis. the common medical student. These creatures, identified by their pale complexion, bleary eyes, and tendency to yawn repeatedly, are usually confined to the vicinity of their natural habitat around academic medical centers. However, at certain times of the year, they scatter from their central enclaves and follow well-established migratory routes across the country to private reserves, where they establish themselves in a symbiotic relationship with Homo sapiens parentis.

Although fully formed adults, M. Studiensis, regress to an earlier stage of development during this period. They become dependent on the H. parentis for nearly all necessities, concentrating on a relentless pursuit of medical knowledge to the exclusion of basic life support functions. The single minded focus of M. Studiensis can be easily seen as it will ignore meals, basic grooming activities, baths, and, in general, all activities not directly related to the task before it.

M. Studiensis is territorial, staking out an entire residence as its turf and is very protective of that territory. Within the confines of said residence, M. Studiensis will move from place to place, establishing up a temporary nest for a day or portion of a day. One never knows where M. studiensis will be found at any given time and so observers and visitors must tread lightly and quietly so as not to disturb studiensis and prompt a rapid flight to another location while uttering its signature call “C-a-n’t  t-a-l-k  n-o-w. G-o-t-t-a  s-t-u-d-dee”.

M. studiensis’ nests are composed of materials readily at hand and tend to be of simple construction, with little attention to appearance or durability. A nest may be used multiple times or just once and discarded. No part of the residence is immune to the nesting behavior of M. Studiensis.

Care and feeding of M. studiensis can be a challenge. They are picky eaters and not subject to any schedules. Grazing behavior is universal and many specimens can be sustained largely by setting out a variety of easy-to-consume snacks, most of which are largely devoid of significant nutritional value. These will disappear seemingly without any trace that M. studiensis was in the area. To truly sustain your specimen, some effort must be made to providing an occasional healthy, tasty meal. M. studiensis can sometimes be coaxed from their nest of the moment by a combination of cooking odors and visual cues that emanate from LED screens found in most homes. Like moths, they are drawn to light. Each specimen has unique cues he or she will respond to. In our case M. Studiensis was particularly fond of Pride and Prejudice on DVD or reruns of Big Bang Theory combined with the smell of a vegetable stir fry. This seemed to guarantee at least a 30 minute break from the frenzied studying.  During this time, limited communication can be re-established with M. studiensis, albeit between bites of food.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, as the case might be, the time in residence of M. Studiensis must draw to a close after a few weeks as they prepare to return to their academic home. This is when it is most critical to insure the care and husbandry of your M. studiensis. Their nervous systems are very fragile and they can be severely disturbed by any loud noises, disruption in their established study patterns, or simply by asking, “How’s it going?” at the wrong time. An ill-advised stimulus at this time can throw M. studiensis over this edge like a lemming going over a cliff.

 The culmination of this period is a ritual testing that draws large numbers of M. studiensis to preserves around the country where they will spew all of the accumulated knowledge of the past few weeks in an incredible explosion of information under pressure. In the aftermath of this brief, intense expenditure of energy, M. studiensis will go into a brief period of relative inactivity in sharp contrast to its prior frenzied study. At this time they are more approachable without being spooked and can be found at water holes in large and small groups consuming variable amounts of fermented hops and assorted foods. Meat patties on bread accompanied by strips of potatoes fried in oil are especially popular. The easily recognizable cry “Yeah, baby, we did it!” accompanied by the sharp slaps of ‘high fives’ can be heard above the din of other denizens of the watering hole.

Another year has passed in the life cycle of M. studiensis.

(This blog is dedicated to my daughter, Olivia, for her five weeks of incredible focus and dedication, leading to a stellar score on Step 1 of the United States Medical Licensing Examination. Your friend said it best: “You killed it”, Viva.)

Olivia did well on Step 1 and was accepted into a residency in dermatology at Wake Forest. Today, she is a board-certified dermatologist in private practice in Winston Salem. Her husband, Michael is a pediatric orthopedic surgeon at Wake Forest. They have two little boys and just this week we welcomed a third to the family fold. Pops (me) and Lolli (my wife) now bask in the joy of 7, count ‘em, 7, grandchildren. Life is good.

Richard T. Bosshardt, MD, FACS

Senior Fellow at Do No Harm

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